Joseph Calandrillo

When Joseph M. Calandrillo was about 8, his cousin was ill, and she asked him to run some errands. When he was done, she rewarded him with a quarter. He went back to the store and used the quarter to buy her a get-well card.

It was that gracious spirit that he carried into adulthood. His wife, Deborah, referred to him as 'the sweetest of husbands.'

Mr. Calandrillo, 49, a treaty accountant with Reinsurance Solutions International, part of Marsh & McLennan, met his wife-to-be 25 years ago at a restaurant in Brooklyn, the borough where they both grew up. He told his family when he got home that she was the one he was going to marry. She thought he was very nice but did not immediately leap to the same conclusion. But they went out the next night and the night after, and then every week.

'Everyone always said my husband and I had a marriage you didn't see,' she said. 'We were always laughing and having a good time. We were best buddies. Our marriage was our greatest success.'

Mrs. Calandrillo characterized them as a 'Green Acres' couple. She loved the city; he loved the country. They lived in Brooklyn for a while and then, five years ago, moved to Hawley, Pa. 'I had my turn, so it was his turn,' Mrs. Calandrillo said. 'And I grew to love the country.'

Copyright (c) 2001 by The New York Times Co. Reprinted by permission.

Add Your Own Tribute

All tributes will be reviewed by our site moderators prior to being posted. Tributes will normally be posted on the site within 24 hours of submission.
loading
Joe, I can't believe its 15 years already. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't come into my thoughts. Your words to me everyday at Willcox was it could always be worse and when I'm being tested and having a bad day all I hear is you. Miss you my dear friend always....Rest in eternal peace.
Liz D'Ambrosio, Friend
Sep 9 2016 9:23AM
Joe, I will always remember August 23, 2001 when we went to the Met game and it wound up being the last time I saw you. I still can't believe it. I'll always remember the lunches at Jeremy's and all the times I cracked up at one of your jokes and you would say. 'You're not offended by that are you?' while giving me that infectious smile. It's true what they said at your services, EVERYBODY LOVED YOU!! Miss you big guy, Alan
Alan Applegate, Friend
Sep 11 2012 3:23PM
Dear Joe,We shall never forget you, your smile, your voice and your laugh. We shall keep this day as a sacred remembrance of you and what we lost in a moment.We carry on but we never leave you behind. Thank you for helping us daily to carry the tears and the sadness in our hearts but still to move forward with strength and determination. God Bless You and your family today and always. Patricia & Charles Barraza
Patricia Barraza, Colleague
Sep 11 2012 10:26AM
Seasons change, time passes but what remains the same is your imprint on our hearts. Your smile, your face, your stories & jokes are forever ours. Rest in peace and may God Bless you and your family today on the 10th anniversary of that terrible morning. We miss you and we are better for having known you. We remember you today and always.
Patricia Barraza, Colleague
Sep 11 2011 11:55AM
Joe, Thinking of you and remembering the good times at Willcox. You always stopped by my desk to tell me a joke and it made my day. Phil and I often speak of you and Phil always refers to you as the nicest guy in the world. How true! You are truly missed. God Bless You always. Rest in peace. L, Ofelia & Phil Tuohy
Ofelia Tuohy, Colleague
Sep 9 2011 11:36AM
Joe, Thanks for the smile I quickly get when I remember our days working together. I hope your family is okay and their wonderful memories of you bring some comfort to them this weekend.
Tom Doyle, Colleague
Sep 9 2011 10:48AM
My dear friend, I can't believe its 10 years already. Miss your smiling face and your daily words to me......it can always be worse, so be happy. RIP Joe and I'll have a cannoli from DeRobertis.
Liz D'Ambrosio, Colleague
Sep 9 2011 8:30AM
Joe, It seems like just yesterday we were in the coucourse planning to have lunch soon. You are missed. Rest in peace.
Elena Amico, Colleague
Sep 6 2011 11:03AM
Today, a day very much like that Tuesday nine years ago we are remembering you with love. Keeping your memory forever in our hearts and praying for you, your family and friends. Patricia and Charles Barraza
Patricia Barraza, Colleague
Sep 11 2010 12:33PM
Joe, Miss our fun conversations and your smiling face. Rest in Peace. Elena
Elena Amico, Colleague
Sep 10 2010 4:48PM
Joe: Can't believe its 8 years already. You my friend are thought about and missed everyday. Rest in Peace Always. Liz D'Ambrosio
Liz D'Ambrosio, Colleague
Sep 11 2009 9:11AM
Joe, Just thinking of you and all the fun conversations we had at Willcox. Miss you. Elena Amico
Elena Amico, Colleague
Sep 8 2008 3:59PM
Joe, I couldn't let this day go by without letting you know that you are thought about everyday. I miss the days at Willcox and knew if I was having a bad day you would always cheer me up somehow. You are missed very much. Rest in peace my friend. Liz D'Ambrosio
LIZ D'AMBROSIO, Friend
Sep 11 2007 11:37AM
I'm somehow a relative - by way of the Schiano's or Profetta's - and although we've never met I want you to know you are in my heart and in my prayers...today and everyday. Much love - Laura
Laura Nickel, Family
Sep 11 2006 5:15PM
Tonight as we were remembering that awful day 5 years ago, We remembered a wonderful man. I just happened to type in his name and this wonderful tribute appeared. Debbie, our prayers are with you. We will always remember that wonderful guy you loved and married. He was truly a great person. I know he is always watching over you. Love, Joan and Ronnie
Joan and Ronnie Lazzaro, Family
Sep 10 2006 9:38PM
More than a moment of silence, on this day and everyday may we use our lives to honor and respectfully remember you. With careful consideration we continue on where you could have gone, good left undone, countless gifts not given. We will not fail; we will not forget you, our precious family, our dear friend, our inspiration. Patricia & Charles Barraza
Patricia Barraza, Friend
Sep 11 2005 7:35AM
My new e-mail is: mandjkoebel@msn.com , if you would like the home movies.Sincerely,Jimmy
james koebel jr., Family
Aug 17 2005 6:27PM
With a terrible sadness we mark this day, the third anniversary of the morning we lost each of you. In the end it is only a marker. The grief, sorrow and the incredible possibilities that we lost in those horrific moments remain with us every day. We weep, no, sob from a place deep, deep inside that has been left empty by your absence. And we pray, for you, your families, your friends, and your colleagues. And for ourselves may God give us the strength to go forward and honor you with our lives. We will never forget you. Patricia Barraza
Patricia Barraza, Colleague
Sep 11 2004 9:20PM
Remembering - Just today I was looking at the picture from our summer 2001 outing where we were standing together smiling. I can remember that day so vividly, laughing and sharing that group moment. I wanted to write to say we remember you and think of you as we go on. We miss your being, but feel your presence. I believe that your spirit is our angel watching over us in a dangerous world. Remembering you keeps you with us and brings us peace in turmoil. In this season of renewal and everyday since we “lost” you we keep you and your loved ones in our thoughts and prayers. Peace to you.
Pat Barraza, Colleague
Apr 2 2004 1:28PM
Daily we are reminded of how much we lost that terrible day two years ago. Joe, always had a big smile and a joke ready for everyone. We miss you today and always. May God Bless your family. Pat & Chuck
Patricia & Charles Barraza, Colleague
Sep 12 2003 2:49PM
I heard Joe's name this morning during the Memorial and following that was reminded by a friend of this web page. Joe was a colleague of mine for a number of years going back to our Willcox days. Without fail you could always rely on Joe asking ' Did you here the one about ...?' Despite pleading with him that you had he would continue on anyway. That was one of Joe's trademarks, a way for him to tell you that you are a friend. Joe delighted in meeting people, regarding it as a gift. His sharing his heart was his gift back. Joe you are remembered and missed. Anyone who ever met you is a better person for it. My thoughts and prayers go to your family on this day. Tom Doyle
Thomas O. Doyle, Colleague
Sep 11 2003 2:12PM
My memories of Joe are all good . He had some of the worst jokes but a big heart and great work ethic. As a former colleague at both Willcox and Guy Carpenter it was a pleasure to have known Joe who never shunned a task or request of a colleague. My only hope is in a firm as large as MMC that someone remembers how much was lost with the tragic murder of Joe. His passions were from my recollection family , his home and skiing .He was in process of converting to a full time teaching position and worked hard to achieve that goal . The lives he did and would have touched will be forever changed . God bless you Joe and all who you touched . Sincerely, John Rutledge August 6th,2003 Boston, Mass
John Rutledge, Colleague
Aug 6 2003 12:23PM
Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the softly falling snow. I am the gentle showers of rain. I am the fields of ripening grain. I am the morning hush. I am the graceful rush of beautiful birds in circling flight. I am the star shine of the night. I am the flowers that bloom. I am in a quiet room. I am the birds that sing. I am in each lovely thing. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there.I did not die.' ...Mary Frye, Baltimore MD, Circa 1933 Alive in our hearts forever... In loving memory of dear Joe Patricia & Charles Barraza 9-11-2002
Patricia & Charles Barraza, Colleague
Sep 11 2002 11:19AM
I met Mr. Calandrillo's wife in St. Paul's Chapel on May 30th, the day of the Memorial Service at Ground Zero, when I served as a volunteer there. She and all of her family have been in my thoughts and prayers ever since that day and will be especially on Wednesday. Her strength and living/loving legacy to her husband are an inspiration to me and many. I hope we meet again someday. Your husband is remebered by many and you are loved.
Suellen Woodworth, Friend
Sep 9 2002 7:41PM
I am James Koebel, Jr.'s sister. I am Joey's first cousin. Joey and I were the same age and spent every holiday and every summer together as children. He was as sweet as his dad (my Uncle Joe). Deborah there is just nothing else to say but how so sorry I am for your loss. Kathy Rinker 6/24/2002 Chicago, Illinois (Daughter of Joey's Aunt Helen and Uncle Jim)
kathy rinker, Family
Jun 24 2002 6:06PM
I just found out about Joey. I am so sorry for your loss. He truly was a sweet and gentle person. My mother and his father were brother and sister. Our families were very close. I have approximately 20 years of family movies on tape. Joey appears in many of these ranging from infancy to about 16 years of age. I would like to send you a copy of these if you think you would like to have them. I will wait to hear from you. Again, my heartfelt condolences. Sincerely, Jimmy (Swampfire59@cs.com)
james koebel, jr.
Jun 22 2002 2:43PM