Mary Stanley

Family Tribute:Mary Domenca Bonsassin Stanley ('Bony') - November 19, 1947 - September 11. 2001.

Born to Maria & Andrea Bonassin in Pola, Yugoslavia as it was known then.

The Bonassin family fled across Europe after WWII and emigrated to America. The family settled in Rocford, Illinois.

Growing up, Mary was an eager and top student who also starred outside the classroom. She was an accordion virtuoso. She attended ballet classes - she enjoyed dancing. She also loved crocheting, gardening, and roller-skating.

In the 60's, Mary returned to NYC where she met her husband Paul in 1966. They have been together ever since, marrying in 1982.

Besides being a scholar, Mary was ambitious, focused, a workaholic and read 'everything' which, combined with her interest in computers, led to her position as Vice President of the Information Technology department of Marsh & McLennan.

She was a confirmed, enthusiastic, and knowledgeable New Yorker who loved to take visiting family and friends on tours and loved to tour herself when she took time out for vacations.

Mary leaves her husband Paul, her sisters Lucia and Theresa, her brother Mario, 7 nieces & nephews, 2 great -nieces & nephews, her 'New York' family - too big to enumerate, as well as her many, many, many friends, and a little girl who called her 'grandma'.

Those are the facts. But we all know that there was something very special about Mary.

EVERYONE proclaims that she was kind and gentle - generous and giving. She charmed the world. She was instantly likeable; unassuming - 'real'. She was patient, tactful, a good listener. She put at ease - made people happy - naturally. -And she was shy.

She is irreplaceable and unforgettable. She was - is - 'angelic'.

Miss you

Miss you, miss you, miss you; Everything I do Echoes with the laughter And the voice of You. You're on every corner, Every turn and twist, Every old familiar spot Whispers how you're missed.

Miss you, miss you, miss you! Everywhere I go There are poignant memories Dancing in a row. Silhouette and shadow Of your form and face, Substance and reality Everywhere displace.

Oh, I miss you, miss you! God! I miss you, Girl! There's a strange, sad silence 'Mid the busy whirl, Just as tho' the ordinary Daily things I do Wait with me, expectant for a word from You.

Miss you, miss you, miss you! Nothing now seems true Only that 'twas heaven Just to be with You.

-David CoryMary Stanley was 18 and new to Manhattan when she met her future husband, Paul, in 1966 at an East Village nightclub called The Dom.

Back then, The Dom -- a discotheque with multimedia spectacles like Andy Warhol's Exploding Plastic Inevitable -- was about as far as you could get from from her working-class roots in Rockland, Ill.

That was just fine with her. 'She came here for a visit to see a friend and fell in love with it,' said her husband, whom she married in 1982. She never looked back, settling first in Manhattan and later moving to Jamaica, Queens.

Unlike many who seek their fortune in New York, Mary Stanley actually found it. At 53, Stanley, who never held a college degree, was a vice president in charge of computer systems at Marsh & McLennan.

'I became the house husband and she became the vice president,' said her husband, who was 14 years older and retired early because of health reasons.

The role reversal suited them both. 'She couldn't cook a lick,' he said with a laugh. Instead, she worked long hours, often on the weekends, to master her job. 'Nobody ever taught her those machines,' he said. 'She learned on the job, and she came home and practiced.'

Stanley's capacity for work was matched by her thoughtfulness. She didn't know Eddie and Bunny Johnson, longtime friends of her husband, all that well, but when their home was gutted by fire in 1987, Stanley came over each weekend for nine months to help repair the damage. The three became fast friends, and the two couples took vacation trips together to the Bahamas and the Poconos.

On trips to see family in Illinois and Canada, Stanley was a joy to host, said Lynn Berry of Brampton, Ontario, wife of her nephew Mario. 'She was very generous, and she had the most beautiful smile,' Berry said. 'It just took up her whole face.'

Stanley was in her office on the 90th floor of Tower One Sept. 11 when the first plane slammed into the tower. Her body has not been found; a memorial service was held for her last weekend at the Marriott Hotel near LaGuardia Airport.

'She was the sweetest person you'd want to know,' said her husband, who never thought that his wife would die first. 'She was so nice it was unreal.'

(c) 2001 Newsday, Inc. Reprinted with permission. www.newsday.com

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Mary and all Marsh colleagues will never be forgotten. I am a retired Mercer colleague who will never forget that terrible day. The pain of this event has not diminished and I can't imagine how family members feel. May god bless you and your family. Sincerely Phil Schneider
Philip Schneider, Colleague
Sep 10 2016 4:43PM
To Mary's family. Mary was a member of our 1965 class at West Rockford High School. We were a large class of over 600, but we were always very close. It was devastating to learn that Mary was lost on 9/11 in Tower One. The class has a Facebook page, Rockford WEST Class of 1965, where we have a memorial page, and Mary is included on that page. If you would like us to add anything to her memorial, please contact us on the FB page. We would like to honor any suggestions you might have for her memorial. You can locate Mary's memorial by going to PHOTOS and opening the folder, IN MEMORIAM. You and Mary are always in our thoughts and prayers.
Susan Israel Burns, Friend
Sep 11 2014 10:19AM
On this 10 year anniversary of this tragedy, we will never forget the wonderful person Mary still is. I can't say she was because she's still alive in my heart. I'm Gilbert, the son of Idalia Rodriguez, a good friend of Mary. They worked years ago for a Japanese company in the World Trade Center. She visited us in Orlando three weeks before this event and I thank God we had an opportunity to spend a week with her; without knowing this would be our last time together. May God bless Mary's spirit and that of her family. We will always love you.
Gilbert Spigelman, Friend
Sep 11 2011 10:15PM
Mary, you were such a hard worker and pleasure to be around. You survived the MIS 'purge' of the 90's because of it, I think, and a model to us colleagues. I had left the company in '94 and the relationships formed there have taken on a heightened awareness and sadness every 9/11 since. My continued condolences to your family. Tom Mooney (MIS '86-'94)
Thomas Mooney, Colleague
Sep 11 2009 12:53PM
I hadn't spoken to Mary in over 20 years. Today as I looked at a coffee mug she gave me, I googled her and am heart broken. She taught me everything about IBM systems which became my career for so many years. Patient, kind and caring. She will be missed. Not for print: I worked with Mary at Henley & Co. The picture isn't clear enough and I could be wrong about knowing her. But I'm afraid I'm right.
Frank Voce, Colleague
Feb 5 2008 9:51AM
Thank you Sam for your wonderful tribute to Mary. My husband Mario, was her nephew and we still miss her terribly. If you have any other memories you would be willing to share with Mario, he would love to hear from you. Thanks Lynn Berry (Mario Balzan's wife)
Lynn Berry, Family
Feb 4 2007 8:58PM
Hi I come from germany and I had read the book 'Die Schule der Schweigenden' in English: 'Retreat'. I love this book, it is wonderful.
Viola, Colleague
Dec 31 2006 12:07PM
I worked with Mary at MMC when I was there as a contractor. Mary and I spent some long hours together in the Data Center documenting and testing server procedures. She was very thorough in her work and I had to stay on my toes. I miss her energy and professionalism. On my last day at MMC, Mary arranged a going away luncheon for me. She gave me some going away presents which I still have pinned on my refrigerator door. I heart goes out to Mary's family. She is dearly missed by those of us who she touched one way or the other
sam tabaziba, Colleague
Nov 12 2006 4:10PM
As a former employee ['87-'94] of Marsh's MMIS-Chicago IT Group I wondered if any of the people I had worked with had been called to Glory. Today, I founded Mary Stanley's name and to whom I had personally had the pleasure of working with. I frequently visited NY for IT projects, and always enjoyed seeing Mary's smile that would light up the room. Her personality made her a charming and delightful person to be around. As it was then, and as it is now: Always smilin', so appropriate for such an angel! May heavenly blessings continue to watch over your family. Willie
Willie L. Conner, Colleague
Jul 11 2003 12:22PM